Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
