Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
