It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
