Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sext me about skeletons
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
