I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
