The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
