so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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