Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
