JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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