Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
