Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
