I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
