She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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