Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
