Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
