The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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