Will you blow on my dice?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
