Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
