I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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