did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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