Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
