did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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