Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
