margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
