and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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