you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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