just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
