my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
two words: eviction party
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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