I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
porn star boner night. come get it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
