what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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