I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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