yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
