I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
