What did we do last night that was yellow?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
