I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dick very happy bro
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
