Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
