some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
