The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize