yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
