addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
