arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
