Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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