I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
