i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
