I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
