would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
