I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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