Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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