I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
