Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
