He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize