I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
