so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
