remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
