she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
