Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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