i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
