she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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