I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
