Did you just see the Batmobile???
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
