not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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