Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
