census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize