I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
