I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
